Gritty is about to ascend and unleash cosmic horrors on the Earth


Gritty has blessed our lives with merriment and mirth ever since arriving in the Fall of 2018, but there’s always been something that doesn’t sit quite right with me — and now I know those instincts were correct.

To the uninitiated this might seem like a harmless goof. A lighthearted mockery of those who believe in crystal energy and their innate power. I, however, am convinced this is simply a way for Gritty to ingratiate himself to humanity so we don’t expect it when he summons forth cosmic powers.

I always had my suspicions, ever since Gritty first arrived.

According to the official bio from the Flyers, Gritty has existed for years, and only now has been woken from his slumber.

“He claims that he’s been around for a lot longer than we know it, and recent construction at the Wells Fargo Center disturbed his secret hideout forcing him to show his face publicly for the first time.”

Just so we’re all clear here, Gritty was a subterranean entity that existed in the bowels of the Earth and was only forced to the surface when humanity explored too far. Gritty is an Old One, and this is canon.

See, the thing is, if you’re going to try and enthrall a group, you never show all your cards immediately. It’s why cults start out by luring you in with a “personality test,” before dialing up the indoctrination. When you join a militia they’re never like “come join our militia!” They start by pretending it’s just a group of like-minded people watching each others’ back. Parler fronts itself as a “free speech zone,” you know … stuff like that.

For years Gritty has won our hearts by photo bombing people, or acting goofy, or putting champagne glasses on his mascot butt. That’s all delightful. But, when he starts to unlock his hidden inner powers using crystal energy, then my eyebrows raise.

Note the deliberate usage of the word “trust” here. Gritty’s most prized crystal, the one by which he admits derives much of his power, is explicitly used to coax us into trusting him. This is his beacon, his North Star, positioned front-and-center to lure us in, make us believe and follow him.

The sodalite positioned between Gritty’s eyes is no coincidence. The concept of the “third eye” is one that exists throughout various circles of spirituality, but was also the focus of H.P. Lovecraft’s 1934 short story From Beyond, in which the protagonist meets a scientist, Crawford Tillinghast, who claims to have unlocked the power of the brain’s pineal gland (aka the third eye) to transport people to a cosmic plane where they witness unspeakable horror. Tillinghast also reveals that through his machine he can make the cosmic entities aware of humanity, potentially opening a gateway for them to travel to our plane.

At this point it should be clear. Gritty is showing us his third eye. He tells us it creates trust. He lulls us into a false sense of security, and soon he will harness this power to unleash unspeakable horrors on the material plane. I say this not to scare you all, but to create awareness. We must stop Gritty before it’s too late.





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