James Harden’s cryptic water bottle post is peak NBA offseason

Players lose the freedom to be random without ramifications on social media during free agency. They know we’re going to analyze, and over-analyze their every action, looking for clues and hidden messages that might tip us off on where they plan to go. Take into account James Harden, whose clips of a water bottle getting its cap removed is now the talk of Twitter.

It comes shortly after news Harden is trying to force his way to Brooklyn or Philadelphia after losing faith in the Rockets. Neither the Nets, or the Sixers have the cap space needed to trade for Harden without some significant numerical gymnastics, so some have posited that this is Harden making a grand declaration about the salary cap. Is getting rid of the cap a clue? Is the blue lighting a clue? It could be both of these things, or none at all.

Only James Harden knows the intent of his post, which makes this so much fun. Considering that I too like fun, I decided to get in on all this.

My theory on what the James Harden video means.

By removing the cap off the water, Harden is taking a clear stand on humanity’s incessant need to bottle and control nature. We cap the water so it can’t evaporate, fundamentally changing natural order.

With the cap removed, the water can ascend. Once more participating in the grand cycle that has existed as long as the earth itself. Harden is the water, the Rockets are the bottle — and in his mind they are keeping him locked up, preventing him from reaching his final form.

The weaving of water symbolism with free agency leads us to one natural conclusion: Brooklyn. The etymology of “Brooklyn” comes from the Dutch “Breukelen,” meaning “broken land” or “marsh land.” Why is this land broken? Because it is separated by water. The town of Breukelen in the Netherlands is situated along the river Vecht, which ostensibly cuts the village in half.

Harden is saying, in no uncertain terms, that when he is freed from his bottle-like prison and allowed to evaporate, the cloud of his talent will travel east, resting over New York and raining down with life-giving water. In Harden’s mind Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving are the land, all that’s missing is the water to bridge them.

The superstar is asking, quietly and respectfully, that the Rockets open the cap and free him. Like a genie rising from a bottle after granting its final wish. he wants to know the possibility of a reality in Brooklyn alongside two superstars, with his talent flowing between them. It’s quite honestly a beautiful, thought-provoking message that we could all learn from.

Or this is just an elaborate viral ad for Body Armor sports water.

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